Being Kind Will Cost You Nothing

Once upon a time, I was a baby business owner, literally fumbling my way through the pains of building and growing a business. 

And much of that growth and pain included the people I met. 

I didn’t do the math, but I would say for every twenty amazing, helpful people I met, there was always someone who knocked me a little off kilter (like the one morning I received a lecture in a Panera from a man in a tie that started with the sentence, “Every woman wants to be a  mother…” and it just went down hill from there). 

Maybe - maybe - that conversation would have had a happy ending if I was speaking to a fertility doctor about my plans of motherhood, but I was not.  

Recently, I had coffee with a new friend who was celebrating her one year of being in business. 

We talked about recent connections, and she hesitantly asked if I knew so-and-so and what my experience was like with them. 

“Fine…” I said slowly, knowing that there was a reason she was asking this. 

She shared her experience on a call with them that left her walking away feeling… bad. She said it felt like the person on the other side of the screen just wanted to make sure she was put in her place. That they were doing her the favor by speaking with her. 

As I listened, I knew how she felt. And I shared that, honestly, no, I hadn’t had a similar experience with that individual, but I’ve certainly had with others. 

And it doesn’t matter that I’ve been in business much longer - because sometimes, some people need to pull power moves. 

I still find individuals who liked to believe that they were, better-connected, more-respected, and so much busier than me. 

I can’t help it - it makes me think of the Taylor Swift lyric: You hide away in your indie record that’s much cooler than mine.

In the last fifteen months whenever someone has tried excusing someone else’s behavior with the phrase, “Oh they’re just so busy,” I have responded in my sleep deprived state, “I’ve got an infant, and I’m running a business. Don’t talk to me about being busy.” 

Look - I understand needing to set boundaries and not being able - or willing - to give away your time. Time is precious. I really get that. 

I’m going to say something I said - and wrote - many years ago, which it appears continues to be true: 

Being kind will cost you nothing. 

The only consolation I can think of when a new business owner, or a somewhat seasoned entrepreneur comes across these rare but obnoxious experiences, I can honestly tell you: It’s not you. It’s them. 

And - yes - maybe it is the way you look that caused them to be so terrible (your age, your race, your gender), or maybe they just had a fight with someone or lost a big deal and they are in a mood. 

But who wants to work with or refer business - or help - someone like that? 

Not me. 

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My calendar is always open for new and old friends. Reach out if you’d like to grab coffee.